a keen intelligence and a gift for insightful, impressive debate which I had used willfully and negatively, leading people into unruly arguments.
1.79.1 I had thrown my talents away by pursuing a life of self-will, idleness
and pleasure. As a result, I had forfeited all respect from others;
neither did I possess any self-respect.
in the future, I could and must put my natural gifts to better use.
1.80.1 Instead of just making a noise, perhaps I could find a way to lighten
the burdens of those whom I so deeply pitied.
Up to that time, I had been of little practical use to anyone.
1.81 When I entered the water in the River Jordan to be baptized by John,
I expected to feel nothing more than relief that I had, for once,
taken a positive step in reforming my behavior.
I expected to feel a new determination to go home
and astonish my mother and neighbors with my new
kindly attitudes towards them.
completely different to anything I had ever thought possible.
1.82.1 I felt a great wave of tremendous energy surge through my body.
I was literally stunned by it. As I staggered out of the river,
1.82.2 I felt myself elevated in consciousness in a most extraordinary way.
A great inflow of glowing happiness uplifted me to a state of ecstasy.
I was enraptured and aware of a great Light.
not knowing where I was going. I continued on, unseeingly, into the desert.
My SIX WEEKS IN THE DESERT were a time of total
inner cleansing of my human consciousness.
1.84.1 Old attitudes, beliefs and prejudices were dissolved.1.85