^8.110.8 These thoughts also arise from fears – fears of being asked
to do more than you feel you can do at this moment.
^8.110.8.1 Fears of failure as a mother.
^8.110.8.2 Fear is a direct impulse experienced from the ego which demands
that you measure up in order to be acceptable to yourself and other people
and yet is very much aware that you do not!
^8.110.9 With the development of civilisation, the magnetic
bonding-rejection impulses have become so complicated and interwoven
that they are difficult to differentiate and discern.
^8.110.9.1 ‘I hate it’ ‘call for water’ ‘want me to read’ ‘I’m so tired’
are all magnetic rejection-revulsion feelings and since it requires more energy
to reject and push away than to accept and bond with,
the conflict within you will end up by making you feel even
more dispirited and tired, even feeling guilty, but unable
to find the strength to do what you would really, deep down,
like to do: spend more time with your children, read to them and mother them.
^8.110.9.1.1 This would give you a sense of satisfaction and well-being,
because, at an even deeper level you know you would be experiencing
and expressing love – whereas all the wants and don’t wants
are a coating hiding the feeling of love.
^8.110.9.2 When you are in tune with your deepest recesses of being
and are experiencing and expressing love –
you are truly at peace and happy.
^8.110.9.3 At the same time, notice that in this interior monologue
which goes on all the time in caring mothers, the little interjection of:
I ought to spend a little time with them is an insight drawn directly
from DIVINE_LIFE CONSCIOUSNESS, but you will probably
believe it is your conscience telling you what you ought to do.

^8.111 Perhaps you are beginning to see that your mind and emotions
are like a war arena with conflicting ideas following each other so rapidly
that you are completely unaware of what you are doing to yourself.
^8.111.1 Your mind is a see-saw.
Your beliefs, opinions, reactions, change according to any changes
you find in relationships and environment – a see-saw of likes and dislikes, resentment and friendship, possessiveness and rejection.
^8.111.2 All of this hub-bub arises out of superficial understanding of all
that is really taking place in your environment at a subterranean level.
^8.111.3 You are like boats sailing the seas.
You can see the sky, but you have no inkling at all of the growth,
movement and life activity taking place under your keel.