3.120.1 Their horror increased with every question. It was unthinkable.
3.120.2 They felt a tremendous void opening up in front of them
– a void in their lives and a huge crater in the earth on which they walked
and a vast expanse of instability and lack of purpose within themselves.
3.120.3 What I told them about my future crucifixion
they dared not contemplate. Such an event would destroy
everything they had believed in with all their hearts.
to tell them and stated again and again that such a thing could never be.
3.120.5 When I stood firm against their stubborn denials, they were eventually forced to quieten their arguments and outwardly
accept that such a thing might be possible.
3.120.6 I told them that after my death, they would see me again
and that I expected them to carry on the work I had started.
also affected me, deeply. It was no easy undertaking to go to Jerusalem
where my fate awaited me.
3.121.1 More than anything, I wondered how I would measure up
to this great challenge of my endurance. Would I be able to transcend
the physical condition and enter
into Universal Father_Consciousness and remain there until I died?
3.121.2 At times, I was deeply frightened of the ordeal
but I dare not reveal this fear to my disciples.
with powerfully mixed feelings.
3.122.1 On the one hand, I was weary of healing and talking
and teaching people who listened with open mouths
and had no real understanding of anything I was trying to tell them.
3.122.2 I had thought that my knowledge would enable people to climb
out of their misery and, at the very least, make contact with the Father
and gain a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven.
3.122.3 There had been no evidence of such a spiritual awakening
even amongst my disciples.
3.122.4 My disappointment and sense of failure made me glad
to be moving on from the earth life to the glorious existence
I knew awaited me after my death.
3.123 At the same time, I wondered how I would endure
the pain of the crucifixion.